


20 Rules of Thorin & Company

by AislingKaye, HaloMaiden



Series: 20 Rules [2]
Category: The Hobbit (2012), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Gen, Thorin is majestic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-30
Updated: 2013-01-30
Packaged: 2017-11-27 13:10:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/662363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AislingKaye/pseuds/AislingKaye, https://archiveofourown.org/users/HaloMaiden/pseuds/HaloMaiden





	20 Rules of Thorin & Company

**20 Rules of Thorin and Company**

1.      Despite having a name Bilbo Baggins shall always be referred to as ‘the Hobbit’ or ‘Burglar’.

2.      Thorin’s speeches are majestic and must be adhered to at any point in time.

3.      Balin must always be the one to tell stories of the past.

4.      When the Hobbit states that you have parasites it is wise to always play along.

5.      Kili and Fili are never to be separated. Ever.

6.      Trolls cannot be reasoned with. They are half-wits.

7.      Kili and Fili are not to watch the ponies. Ever.

8.      Elves are not appropriate company. The only time an elf may appear in dwarvish speak is in the context of an insult. For example, tree shagger is most appropriate.

9.      Bofur is the ultimate good guy, no matter what people might say about dwarves.

10.  Do not take Bofur’s hat. Under any circumstances. Ever.

11.  Do not take Thorin's sword. Under any circumstances. Ever. Unless you like being cut in half.

12.  Troll hoards stink. End of story. Deal with it.

13.  Do not ask Gandalf; “What will you do now wizard?” unless you want an early grave. He has an interesting answer ready for you.

14.  Rhosgobel rabbits can outrun wargs. We’d like to see your warg try all the same.

15.  Do not play games of riddles with Bilbo. He'll weasel his way out of it somehow.

16.  Do not, under any circumstances state that things could be worse. Seriously. Bofur we’re looking at you!

17.  When in doubt ask Kili to shoot it.

18.  Dwarves break out into song at random points. No it doesn’t make this story a musical, they just like to sing. Even if it is about destroying a certain Hobbit’s kitchen.

19.  Never assume your enemy is dead unless you see and check their pulse yourself. Thorin, we're talking to you now!

20.  Hugs are manly. Seriously. Just ask Thorin and the Hobbit. 


End file.
